You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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