If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
why do cheetos always look like penises
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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