i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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