he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
