To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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