well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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