i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
