i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He has the fingertips of a God
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