i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
