Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
