you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Never underestimate the power of titties
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
