I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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