dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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