I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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