i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
