I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
only if we run a train.
done.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
