I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
