You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
