theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
