Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Randomize
