I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Someone signed my nipple.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
