She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
