So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
