my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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