people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
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