We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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