First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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