fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
