All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
