When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
