We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
