You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The cops high fived after they tackled you
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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