Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
