well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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