If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
