dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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