Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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