You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
