so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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