I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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