Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
