Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
