I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
