I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize
