Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
