Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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