there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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