Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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