College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
