We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
