He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
