I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
