She said her name was "party"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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