You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
