nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
