I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
