New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
