Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
